“Hey Bro…it was nice talking to you yesterday,” the email read. “You need no special order to get your V/agr@” “Make your babe the happiest woman in the world” . Now who is going around passing roumors that I need viagra or V/agr@… and who told them that I was a ‘bro’. First of all, I didn’t even talk to anyone yesterday.
Ok, I guess I am just venting. I am dead bored today coz I didn’t leave my house the entire day (yeah, some of us are technically unemployed and we love it!) and I go to check my mail and that’s all I find! Am sick and tired of you guys passing those roumors about me. Anyhow seriously, how does one get rid of spam, coz am sick and tired… oh and just in case you were wondering, I don’t need viagra or Cialis… but if you do, just follow the links in your bulk mail.
Archive for September, 2007
Viagra and Cialis for me
Little tricky China men
I always knew there was a hitch behind this new Chinese-Uganda cooperation. I just couldn’t figure out what it is. In fact, I have never taken in wholesale the whole China for Africa thing that has blossomed this year. As it were the report on the underquality products that were supplied to the people in Northern Uganda was released yesterday, revealing that those flexible sickles and pangas that chairman Nobert Mao paraded before the media were actually a donation from the Chinese government. How is Opio or Okello from Gulu supposed to till the hard land with a sickle or panga that bends more easily than a thread in Mao’s muscle-less hand. Shame on the little China-men.
Already our streets are jammed with substandard imitations like “SQNY”, PANSONIC or PANASOANIC electronics. Then there are those plastic toys pumped with lead paint (keep those away from kids… they are actually poisonous). I don’t know why we should expect any better. If you ask me, keep away from the cars that the Chinese are planning to start assembling in Uganda next year…you might meet your maker sooner than you wished! (Hhhhm, Conspiracy theory needed here).
Circumscision bonanza for Rwanda
Did you hear? Mbu the big small guy in Rwanda, Kagame has ordered that every guy be circumcised to prevent HIV/AIDS infection (today’s New Vision? The slicing excercise will begin with the army, policemen and school kids. Ok, that is abit brutal! What if a guy wants to hang on to his skin? But that’s not the issue.
Does Kagame see where he is sending his boys? Straight to hell. I see pandemonium breaking out (cliche line- for lack of a less used phrase) after the guys have healed. They will go on rampage, chasing anything in skirts- girls, women, kids, goats, chicken as long as it is in a skirt. And then we will have a member of the EAC that is gruppling with HIV/AIDS like we did in the 1980s and 1990s. (gees that won’t look good on us)
Humanity is so weak, that they will jump at the first offer to get away with unprotected sex, even when they know they are not 100% safe. I know a couple of Ugandan guys who have been considering circumcision for the same reason. In my mind’s eye, I am like…seriouly do you guys have brains? Are you actually plotting on how to go jumping left, right and center unportected in this era? Good luck guys, I will hang on to my skin…oh well uh oh, I dont have any.
Cranes Oyee!! Patriotism Oyee!!
It all began when I stopped listening to Sevo’s speeches and those of our numerous politicians because they are all full of bullocks that makes me want to do something radical (which of course I cannot mention in here and which my faint heart is incapble of pulling off). But the real patriotic feelings came when the cranes first beat Nigeria. And then they beat Niger the other Saturday. Halleluya! I think I am dumping ManU for Cranes (Man U…who?).
From now on, I will ride the RVR train (Rift Valley Railways, c’mon not the Mitsubishi RVR that I haven’t yet bought) from Nakawa to Nambole to the tunes of Mazongoto in the background to go support our jombas whenever they are in the pitch. Now I see us making the world cup and actually bringing the golden Tumpeco back home….ok that will be in like the next 100 years, but that is a starting point, aye?
I still have beef for those South Africans for malice aforethought against our boys by letting Zambia win…but like we ugandan’s always console ourselves, it was just nugu. (I can’t be blamed for delaying to develop strong patriotic feelings, seeing as I wasn’t involved in Uganda’s fight for independence…did we even fight for it?). Anyhow, I can see us in Ghana in 2008…well that is if Benin-Sierra Leon game in October goes the way we want it to… Oh God please make Benin lose.
BanaUganda!
The Highway Africa conference finally ended. Without any clear conclusion as to whether or not journalism is a profession and who can and cannot be a journalist, I found my way back to my country and my capital city. I am glad for the fine weather and real food…oh and my TV…how I missed her. For the brief time away I had forgotten Banauganda. You know how Uganda Telecom has offered free UTL to UTL calls from 11pm to 7am? Some people are shameless. Now because it is free, they decide to wake me up at the indececent hours of the night ‘just to say hi’. People should know boundaries. You don’t wake me up for a free phonecall at 5:30 and then say that you communicated. It was free, so I don’t count it (and I was saying all the swear words I could think of (in my head). I keep my phone on all night in case of emergencies. Well I guess for some people, calling me for free is an emergency…the offer ends soon!
Hey guys, it was nice knowing ya’ll (in Alphabetic order):
Antoinette(SA)-Beauty in and out…and nice dresses gal!
Ayanda (SA)- My daughter might like that name…you just didn’t say what is in in full.
Ayub- Get the mics off your head so we can talk to you more. Great job with the sound.
Belinda (Namibia)- Young and warm blooded… don’t ever get cold
Carol (Kenya)-Thanks for the 15 seconds of fame…the ones you are going to bring me.
Chief Zulu (Swaziland)- Umuswati…this is ‘07! The Reed dance is not the same anymore!
Clemencia (Namibia)- Sweet, Sweet, Sweet. Don’t go near the bitter lemon
Dan Okoth (Kenya)- You are the only one who gets to be called by both names. Does that say anything? You are a good guy!
Derick Advocate (Zambia)- Where the heck have you been
Furaha (TZ)- you dress with passion and a mission
Glorius (SA)- Welcome to Uganda and Buganda! You know what I mean.
Jaime (Mozambiq)- Mashilo’s partner in wines and spirits
Joel(SA)- -Chameleon. You come and go. How can one find you?
Josephine (Malawi)- Where are you?
Lumko (SA)-Get that cap off your head… we want to see your face.
Lulu (SA)- Doll! Lol. The cops will never catch you. Keep up the driving!
Macovela (Mozambiq)- Spanish princess. No rush in Africa.
Maggie (Kenya)- The passion of the Eastern Block!! Let go of the SABC dude..just kidding.
Mashilo (SA)-Head of wines and spirits
Mbongeni (Swazi)- Sweetrat…or do you mean sweetheart?
Meodi (SA)- Happy on your own…and with your bottle..and maybe a cigarett and maybe a girl or two.
Mpume (SA)- Wireless wonder- where did you get all those gadgets?
Peter Verweij (Netherlands)- Nice work proff. Learnt so much from you. You are going to need voice therapy after all this talking!
Prishay- Right behind me…you sat, cool and busy. But when it was time to laugh, you gave it your best. Hey that slide show with the music? Cooool Stuff!
Reba (Botswana)- My Tsetswana buddy…7 are too many!!
Susan (Malawi)- Lovely Susan. You scooped me on the dress at awards night though.
Shakes (Zimbabwe)- Late riser. Passionate about things done the right way. You go dude!
Skhumba- Mashilo’s apprentice
Tebatso (SA)- IT man..why didn’t I talk with you earlier. Nice dreds!
Thabile (SA)- Power woman. You bring meaning to the term “movers and shakers”
Zakhele- Put the camera down…just for a minute!
And of course there’s yours truely me! Here, there, everywhere…I guess that’s why I missed most of the photos. We meet in Blogosphere!
9/11
What I do know for sure, is that my heart breaks every time I see the news on TV of violence in Iraq. I have learnt that you can shed a tear ten times a day (that makes ten tears)…the sight of bleeding kids, men crying (the bad cry as Oprah calls it) over coffins of their loved ones, women numb from disbelief, a child clinging to his dead mother… I cry. I cry both the wet (the sniff and tears), the dry(broken heart) and the bad cry(the sniff and the tears, the broken heart and loud unpleasant sounds). After crying, I wonder-does the blood of about 3000 innocent people justify the blood of thousands more in Iraq (including 3700 US deaths in Iraq?). Does it?
Are Djs Journalists?
If you sleep in a garage, does that make you a car? If you write a story or present the top 20 countdown or a breakfast show are you a journalist? Today’s debate at the HighwayAfrica conference was about professionalism in journalism. The panel made of The New Vision’s Robert Kabushenga, Charlene Deacon (Kaya FM, SA) Thabo Leshilo (Sowetan, SA) and Eugenie Aw (CESTI, Senegal), tried to bring the house to a conclusion, but as is typical of this debate, the conclusion (if any) was really grey.
Kabushenga and Thabo had the strongest views and one of them vocalised the desire to punch the other’s butt…I mean nose.Anyhow, Thabo says Journalism is a craft and not a profession and anyone, even a sweeper who can do the job can be a journalist. Kabushenga says it is a profession and there are certain standards. A Zimbabwean editor in the house says that every dictator would want to have a newsroom full of sweepers, rather than professional journalists.
I say we shouldnt confuse writers, photographers, talk-show hosts, DJ, etc for journalists. They are in the media, they do a good job… well sometimes (and some are even better than trained journalists) but they are not journalists. I say school is always a good thing.
Our grandfathers were bloggers!
Did it ever occur to you that our African ancestors were bloggers? Today at the Digital Citizen Indaba on blogging, the speaker Ndesanjo Machar reminded me (not personally of course, he was speaking to over 50 peeps) that our Grand Parents had a penchant for telling stories and sharing ideas in a public space.
They wrote on rocks (eg. Nyero Rock paintings) and on caves. And then in the evenings, the children would gather to hear stories or the men would sit over a pot of Malwa and do a postmortem of the day to day goings-on of the hood. See, they were setting the standard.
So as bloggers, we are only continuing with their tradition. The only difference as Macha says is that they used rocks and we are using computers. And besides, those days it was easier to gather people together, but now, everyone is scattered allover the place, some doing Kyeyo abroad, some in town, some in Juba etc, so what a better way to do the African thing. Blog on.
Oh and by the way, if you are into New Media, Macha is a blogger of note. You may also want to check out some of the stories from today’s Indaba at our honorable blog.
Clicking Sounds
I am walking in a supermarket and I hear a little boy of about 4 clicking at his mother. I think…what a bad-mannered child! He needs some spanking! But then the Mama clicks back at him. And everybody else shopping, behind the till, on the streets, some of my fellows are clicking too. Its a language; I mean languages-Xhosa (please click at the ‘Xh’), Swati (from Swaziland) Zulu and Khoi San (from Kalahari desert) languages.
Remember in African History when we learnt about the Khoi Khoi and Khoi San, who have no foreheads and speak with click sounds? This is it. I would want to learn this language but I don’t know if I would always remember “oh this is the point at which I click”.
You click or clack wherever there is an “X” “Xh” “Q” or “Qh” and in come cases “C”. But then, I’d have to learn the spellings as well….oh forget it!! HeyjJust in case you are interested, here are a few words to start with
Xoxa-Talk
Xolela-Forgive
Ujeqe- Bread
Qhaqha-untie/un-stitch
Click away!!
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